Finding Comfort in Connection
Written by Michael Winegeart
In early August, we had the privilege of hosting the team from the National Leadership Center (NLC) at JH Ranch in California. In light of the events of October 7 and the ongoing war in Israel, the experiential learning leaders from the NLC and JH Ranch engaged in discussions centered around the classic book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
Takeaway 1: The Brain-Body Connection Is Real
When we experience a real or perceived threat, our brain's alarm system is triggered. Think of the amygdala as the body’s “smoke detector.” This smoke detector becomes hypersensitive after we experience trauma, going off constantly.
When the amygdala senses a threat (for example, a loud crashing sound in the streets of Tel Aviv that turns out to be a trash dumpster), it recruits stress hormones and the autonomic nervous system to orchestrate a whole-body response, propelling us to run, hide, fight, or occasionally freeze to confront the threat. In these moments, we experience a quickened heart rate, shallow breathing, a cortisol surge, sweating, and an inability to think clearly.
Simultaneously, our frontal lobes, the “watchtower” of the brain, offer a view of the scene from above. In many cases, they help us respond to a false alarm and turn off the brain's smoke detector. However, with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), the equilibrium between the amygdala and the frontal lobes shifts radically, making it much harder for the brain to recognize that the alarm is likely unwarranted.
As a result, the parts of our brains that are on the lookout for danger are always on alert, and even the slightest sign of a threat can trigger the amygdala. This overactivity keeps victims trapped in a prolonged state of anxiety, which takes a heavy toll on the body.
Takeaway 2: The Mind Is Not Tending to the Present Moment
Being traumatized is not simply a problem of being stuck in the past; it is also a problem of not being fully present in the here and now.
As long as victims don't resolve the trauma, the stress hormones that the body secretes to protect itself from danger keep circulating, and the defensive movements and emotional responses that belong to the past traumatic event keep replaying in the present.
For example, we might overreact to some minor irritation with great vigor and emotion. Upon reflection, we realize that these strong emotions are actually stemming from a traumatic event that occurred in the past.
Another reaction to these stress hormones being released is to freeze and numb us down, making day-to-day events feel less compelling. At the Widows & Orphans resilience seminar, many parents confessed to feeling emotionally detached during a birthday party for their kids or in response to the loss of their spouse.
As a result of not being able to fully take in what's going on around us, we might feel ashamed, alienated, and disconnected from our family and community. The solution to this problem is learning to gain mastery over our internal sensations and emotions. This is where the NLC’s experiential learning activities come in—they force participants to focus on the present.
Conclusion: Positive Relationships Are Fundamental to Our Well-Being
Our attachment bonds are our greatest protection against threats. Nothing soothes our fear like a comforting voice or a solid hug from a parent or child.
For instance, children who experience a traumatic event and are not immediately soothed by their parents or receive other forms of emotional support may suffer the effects of that trauma long-term. When widows and orphans go through the NLC’s activities together, by the end, parents and children naturally embrace and cherish each other more.
The outcomes of the NLC’s activities foster the bravery to accept, face, and process the reality of what has happened while also offering physical and psychological protection, especially from feeling shamed, admonished, or judged. This is the first step in a healing journey.
